Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Man With the Golden Gun Meets the Glittery Hoo Ha

Rowena's post about the love scene and its close friend the sex scene has caused some interesting thoughts to rear their heads and stand to attention, as it were. The thoughts are actually more or less clean, although I can pretty much guarantee this post won't be, as the bishop said to the actress.

First, there's the matter of the Man With the Golden Gun, who is capable of changing the most determined woman's mind once she encounters his weaponry, and all the cliches and throbbing manhoods that go with it. One of the best ruminations I have ever seen on the matter of describing the male party of the upright part in a sex scene can be found at (you may need to sign up to google groups to see this) - it's the notorious Sailor Jim post to alt.callahans: On the subject of penises If you value your keyboard and monitor, do not have anything in your mouth when you read this.

Then there's the Glittery Hoo Ha, the most potent weapon in the romance heroine's arsenal. As discussed here, the Glittery Hoo Ha is capable of capturing any man, no matter how golden his gun (and we won't go into the discomfort a golden gun would cause, especially once it got glitter all over it).

So what happens when the Man With the Golden Gun meets the Glittery Hoo Ha? Usually fireworks, flagpoles, occasional hard manhoods, and assorted other entertainments found in the more interesting romance novels.

But be warned... the GHH and MWtGG are not exclusive to romance. Fantasy and science fiction have been invaded by this strange subset of humanity, and glitter trails being diligently followed by golden guns can be found in any number of non-romance books.

Examples, anyone?


Anonymous said...

The Princess Bride. ::Snicker::

Wouldn't you like to see James Bond meets Modesty Blaise?

Actually, I think to be a successful serial seducer you'd have to know the game so well that you'd see it being aimed at you, and you have to be naturally immune to falling hopelessly in, err, lust. Otherwise your Mata Hari career would be short.

Sort of like the irresistable Kodelka sisters all knowing better than to get entangled with Ivan.

Sarah A. Hoyt said...

You know the scary thing is that these people DO exist in real life, though no one knows why or how.

Writing Kathryn Howard I realized I was stuck with the girl with the glittery hoo haa. Eh.

Dave Freer said...

erhm. have to agree with Matapam ;-), Erik and Francesca do not find each other attractive, particularly.

Rowena Cory Daniells said...

Kate, LOL.

Loved the GHH and the Golden Gun!

Amanda Green said...

Kate, you are an evil, evil woman and you owe me a new eee. I'd already read the "glittery hooha" and golden gun links and I still spewed all over everything. Worse, I will never, ever be able to look at the Bond movie, "Man with a Golden Gun" the same way again. Especially since Roger Moore never struck me as a man with THE golden gun.

Kate said...


The thing with the Glittery HooHa is that she's not usually aiming it. It just sort of...well... glitters.

The Golden Gun, on the other hand, usually gets aimed and fired a lot. And handled. Must not forget handled.

Kate said...


After reading the thing, yeah, Kathryn Howard definitely has a GHH. And Henry thinks he has a GG, but it ran out of ammunition long ago.

Kate said...


For some reason Erik and Francesca's meeting leaves me thinking "boingy boingy boingy"

Kate said...


The GHH and the GG have been around a long time. And a lot. And up, down, and possibly swinging from the chandeliers as well.

I have to admit to a certain suspicion that some of those square-jawed unutterably noble golden-age heroes made use of their GG when off-duty. They're far too good to be true, and a little recreational waving the flag, so to speak, would make them much more human.

Kate said...


Thank you!

James Bond is the quintessential Man With the Golden Gun.

kesalemma said...

I had to laugh when I read this - I'm a huge James Bond fan, but the whole Golden Gun thing is is the one part of the whole franchise that makes me raise my eyebrows every time. But, they wouldn't be the same without it.
But what made me laugh the most is that I have the TV on in the background, and the first Police Academy movie is on. Mahoney would have to be the most unlikely Man with the Golden Gun I would ever pick yet the girls are all over him. I don't get it, but I know my mum loved Steve Guttenberg in these movies (which is probably the only reason we were ever allowed to watch them as kids).

Kate said...

Oh, yeah, he's definitely a Golden Gun. And the two scenes with the podium? Pure genius!


Da Curly Wolf said...

Kesalemma, for me I always liked the
Pussy Galore' name among all the titles and names. But then..I'm a guy and my mind is suitably warped that way soo..*shrug*

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