Wedding Story

The cake has been delivered to the hotel. The vicar has taken us through the latest version of the Anglican wedding ceremony - I no longer say that I give the bride away but intimate it by transferring my daughter's right hand into the bridegroom's. My wife has bought me a new suit, shirt, tie, socks, shoes and vest, I put my foot down at a thermal one, but I have successfully negotiated to wear my old underpants on the grounds that no one will see them.

I have reassured the bridegroom who has turned a funny colour and admired my wife's new outfit, including the hat. The purchase of a hat required a tour of the shops of Kent that made the search for the North West passage look like a game of hunt the slipper at the brownies.

The hysteria of the female members of my family has reached escape velocity. The crisis of the chief bridesmaid's shoes, the chief bridesmaid being No.2 daughter, has been solved with the purchase of a fifth pair.

My wife and daughters have examined my speech and redacted it - hah, like that will stop me.

My daughter has produced a Project Plan on Excel listing the timing of the events of the day broken down by person with targets and milestones. Eisenhower could have used her help for D Day but currently she is unavailable for tomorrow is W Day.

Wish us luck.

John